What does it take to be a helpful birth partner? I'm glad you asked! Here are three easy tips that can go a long way.
Tip #1: Don't watch the clock
Labor is usually a long process, and that is a good thing. We want labor to allow time to open the mother's body, to gently bring the baby downward, and for the mother to feel that she can cope.
Being open to the process already takes a significant amount of mental energy from the mother. If you, as the birth partner, are anxious, impatient, and frustrated at the clock, those emotions will inevitably affect the mother.
Watching someone pace around waiting for you to hurry something that is out of your control is stressful. Stress hormones slow labor. You're actually slowing the process instead of speeding it up!
Instead…
Try taking the labor process moment by moment. Each birth is different, unique, and unpredictable. The approach that brings the most peace to you and your laboring loved one is being open-handed. Be curious about what might be next, not controlling. Take each contraction as it comes with the mother.
Ride the wave with her.
This will make your experience and the mother's one of connection and support rather than disconnection and judgment.
Tip #2: Don't be afraid to jump in!
Learning on the spot how to perform a comfort measure or laboring position that you've never tried before might be nerve-wracking. You may be worried about doing it 'perfectly,' or nervous that you may do something 'wrong.'
We're here to support you as the birth partner as well as the laboring mother!
Instead…
Be willing to imperfectly learn how to support the laboring mother. You may not get it 'right' at first, or we may discover that it's something the laboring mother doesn't actually like. These things are all a part of the process!
Using comfort measures and laboring positions is all trial and error anyway, so jump on the roller coaster with us! We are 1000% up for teaching birth partners anything they want to learn!
You are going to be the mother's biggest comfort. Touching her, encouraging her, being a part of the labor with her—all of these things will be so important, not only for her labor but for your relationship.
So don't be afraid to jump in. We all welcome it!
Tip #3: Support doesn't start or end with labor
Yes, labor and birth are very big deals. We want you to be able to be a great supporter during that time. However, many birth partners forget that the mother needs just as much support during pregnancy and postpartum.
Forgetting to support, care for, and mother the mother during pregnancy and postpartum will create a lack of trust during labor from the mother. Just showing up for the big moments isn't actually helpful.
Instead…
Start to get to know what comforts the mother during pregnancy. How does she like to be supported during morning sickness? What is comforting to her? How about those last days of pregnancy when she's uncomfortable? Take these techniques into labor and postpartum with you. She's still going to be the same person who prefers things based on personality.
Paying close attention to her mental state, during postpartum especially, will help you to understand where her needs are. Is she overwhelmed? Is she sleeping? How is feeding going? Was birth traumatic? All of these questions can lead to an answer on what may be most supportive to her during her postpartum recovery.
Want more tips? We would be happy to support you during pregnancy, labor, and beyond!