The birth of your baby is a momentous occasion, one of the most impactful moments of your life. So it should be serious, right?! RIGHT?!
Ok, yes, the actual birth of your baby will probably be emotional, sacred, solemn, and intense.
But getting there does NOT require furrowed-brow seriousness. In fact, as your doula, that furrowed brow tells me it's probably time to make you laugh or smile, and unfurrow that brow!
That furrowed brow tells me it's probably time to make you laugh or smile, and unfurrow that brow.
Grantly Dick-Read, the early 20th century doctor who pioneered the idea of positive physiological birth without fear, first identified the fear-tension-pain cycle, which has since been proven by scientific study (Mozingo 1978). When we have fear, we begin to tense our bodies — we grimace, hunch our shoulders, grit our teeth, clench our stomach and — oh no! — clench our pelvic floor. Then as our baby and our bodies' natural instincts contract against that pelvic floor, trying to help baby descend down and out, we experience pain. Our fear and tension created the pain, and also made it a whole lot harder to push a baby out!
So when your doula is reminding you to "relax your jaw" while you're pushing, she's not just trying to annoy you — she's trying to relax your jaw and your pelvis, giving the baby a place to slide out! Laughter also releases endorphins…and as Elle Woods so wisely taught us, "endorphins make you happy!" Indeed, endorphins help you and your body relax and feel good in labor. They are your body's natural pain reliever.
All of this is why, as a doula attending your labor, I'm going to spend as much of your labor as possible making you laugh — at my expense, at each other, with each other, at the situation, at a dumb TV show we put on. If I trip on the way to the bathroom, I'm laughing, hoping that you laugh with me. If your partner snores loudly in the middle of the night, we're laughing! I'll sing you songs, I'll tell you jokes, I'll dance for you! Anything to keep those endorphins and oxytocin flowing, and that grimace off your face.
No, it's not realistic for you to be smiling and laughing through your entire labor and birth, but when we can cultivate that atmosphere in earlier labor when it is "easier," we'll have an easier time finding that joy as labor gets more intense.
Anything to keep those endorphins and oxytocin flowing, and that grimace off your face.
If you've worked with a doula, tell me — how did they bring joy and laughter into your birth experience? Did it reduce your pain? Did it increase your enjoyment? Did it make birth seem easier or even…fun?
New action item for my prenatal meetings: talking to my clients about their favorite comedies, what makes them laugh, and how to keep them smiling.
Want a doula who will help you find lightness and ease on your birth day? Learn more about our birth support, and if you're curious how partners can help too, our tips for birth partners are a great place to start.
